Money | A Hot Issue
We have an entire wedding budget area to talk about the complexity of money. No matter what your money views, there is no "right or wrong." This very simple award-winning game is worth the emotional awareness you'll gain. A few big "a-ha" moments may greatly help in wedding planning. Learn more
We're Going to Be One Happy Family...Or Else!
A very unique book written by a nationally respected marriage and family therapist who has worked with couples and families for over 30 years. Learn why a mother bought 25 copies for EVERYONE in her family to get everyone on the same page during the most intense, public, family event. Learn more
Wedding Discounts for Marriage Prep
Engaged couples are by their nature extremely happy. But as you know, after the honeymoon, marriage is hard work. We offer many options for marriage prep at many price-points(and wedding discounts from vendors who want to help!) Encourage your adult child to visit our website.Learn more
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Weddings & Relationships
Marriage Prep
4 part weekly class. Interactive, anonomous, online and by phone.
The First Dance
Premarital Educator Questions
What kinds of couples is the program for—and not for?
How is the First Dance better than what is already available to couples and parents?
When is the best time to take the program?
What is the difference between the group version and the individual version?
How can I take the group version?
How soon after I order can I expect to receive the DVD?
What kinds of couples is the program for—and not for?
Early on, we decided to develop a program for the couples and weddings we know best—women and men planning their first marriage in mainstream American culture—and not to claim expertise where we do not have it. Although all couples might benefit from the universal parts of the program, we make no claim that the program is fully relevant to remarrying couples raising children, older couples whose parents are no longer alive, immigrant couples tied to family wedding traditions from their home culture, or same sex couples. As the program evolves, we may expand its scope. For now, we are not trying to be all things to all couples. Nor are we making a political statement that the couples we are focusing on are the only ones having real weddings.
How is the First Dance better than what is already available to couples and parents?
Most of what is available is logistical advice for planning an event; we are doing something quite different by focusing on the people and relationships. There is a bit of interpersonal advice out there for couples, but frankly it’s often delivered by free-lance journalists who understandably over-simplify complicated situations. The advice of the handful of psychologists who write about weddings usually focuses on the couple relationship alone, and not on the family dynamics that are often the hardest part. When psychologists, often untrained in family systems approaches, give advice how about to deal with parents, we sometimes shudder. For example, some psychologists say that couples should tell parents to back off from giving advice (good luck trying that!), and others give rigid prescriptions such as “If you are adults, you should pay for the wedding yourselves and therefore have the wedding you want.” Our approach is that, unless you decide to elope, the wedding is about more than the couple; it’s about family and community too, and they should be more than spectators who are cut out of the process of planning the wedding. If you straight arm these people, you will probably end up with more stress than if you learn to include them and work with them. In professional jargon, we bring a “family systems” perspective to wedding planning, something no one has done before in a practical program. Finally, because Elizabeth and our own family have so recently been part of the wedding world, we believe that our principles and advice are uniquely grounded in what is actually going on with couples and families—the delights and the struggles.
When is the best time to take the program?
Any time before your wedding day. When we began developing The First Dance, we assumed it would be important for couples to take the program soon after they got engaged. Although that might be desirable (to prevent early mistakes), we have found that couples benefit at any point during their engagement. We have had couples in the group version whose weddings were just a couple of months away, along with couples who had not yet set a date. Everyone took something from the program, including a soon-to-be-married groom who saved the day at the wedding rehearsal because he understood his mother-in-law better and was able to be sensitive to her at a key moment of stress. It is also never too late to firm up your teamwork as a couple before the wedding day.
What is the difference between the group version and the individual version?
The basic content is identical. The group version skips most of the audience discussion because the group will have its own discussion, guided by directions on the DVD itself. The group version comes with facilitator’s guide and access to supplementary material such as handouts and evaluation forms. The individual version can be viewed alone or as a couple (we recommend the latter) or with parents (another good idea to spark conversation).
How can I take the group version?
Since most group premarital education occurs in religious settings, you can inquire at your own faith community if you are affiliated with one, or at others in your community. If religious leaders are not familiar with the program, you can tell them about it and encourage them to offer it.
How soon after I order can I expect to receive the DVD?
We will ship within two weeks of the order.
Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Bill Doherty. The First Dance is a 2007 Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. See what engaged couples and wedding professionals are saying about our book Take Back Your wedding. Our entire website is dedicated to offering advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.