Money | A Hot Issue
We have an entire wedding budget area to talk about the complexity of money. No matter what your money views, there is no "right or wrong." This very simple award-winning game is worth the emotional awareness you'll gain. A few big "a-ha" moments may greatly help in wedding planning. Learn more
We're Going to Be One Happy Family...Or Else!
A very unique book written by a nationally respected marriage and family therapist who has worked with couples and families for over 30 years. Learn why a mother bought 25 copies for EVERYONE in her family to get everyone on the same page during the most intense, public, family event. Learn more
Wedding Discounts for Marriage Prep
Engaged couples are by their nature extremely happy. But as you know, after the honeymoon, marriage is hard work. We offer many options for marriage prep at many price-points(and wedding discounts from vendors who want to help!) Encourage your adult child to visit our website.Learn more
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Take Back Your Wedding $12.99
Why do engaged couples, parents, officiants and wedding planners love this book?
This book is the best money investment you will spend on the wedding.
Improve marital success, reduce conflict and avoid the "emotional landmines" that arise in wedding planning.
Testimonials, free chapter download
- Beneath the Obvious Vendor Questions
- Wedding Vendor Complaints They'll Never Share!
- Who Controls Your Wedding Day? You or the Wedding Vendor?
- Save the Dates - Q&A With Save the Date Vendor
- Unique Q&A with a Wedding DJ
- Unique Wedding Invitation Q&A with a Wedding Invitation Vendor
- Storing Your Wedding Cards - Q&A With Card Storage Expert
- Unique Q&A with Wedding Tuxedo Vendor
- Wedding Etiquette: Does It Still Exist?
- Wedding Date Considerations
- The Competition in Wedding Planning
- Can You Afford a Small Wedding?
- The First Dance in Todays Complex Family
- RSVP Woes; Why Won't People Respond?
- Gratitude: Wedding Thank You Notes
- Wedding Invitation Wording Landmines!
- Increasing Wedding Party Stress?!
- The Hour of Engagement Bliss
- Create the Guest List or Budget First?
- Eloping: Avoiding Family Drama or Stirring it Up?
- Honeymoon: Considerations
- Wedding Registry
- After the Honeymoon
- What Wedding Planning Taught Me About Marriage
- Romance Expert Q&A
E-Book Version
Kindle version only $9.99!
Wedding Vendors
Weddings & Relationships
My grandmother just invited more people without letting us know. How do we uninvite those people?
What may be going on: Often it's grandparents, excited about this wedding and the big family reunion, who are the least up-to-date on how weddings are no longer punch and cake events but require tremendous planning and money! Weddings are always an exciting event and for older people with long time friends, they may not realize tough decisions were made about numbers of wedding guests. Or they may not have been asked at all who they would want to invite! You may have just assumed she would come and enjoy whoever showed up. Usually it's an innocent mistake, but if she's done this before, or has always been a controlling person, then you're going to have to deal with her adult child (your parent) more than with grandmother directly.
What usually doesn't happen, but should: Having your parents keep their parents updated on the big wedding plans would greatly help clarify what's going on. But, if she's already verbally invited people, whoever is closest to her should be the one to explain how exciting this wedding is, but there are major restrictions on space and money. Perhaps you could go as far as letting grandmother know if she wants to have a luncheon some day for her friends, you'd be willing to show up and meet her friends. Just like parents, grandparents want their friends to meet the "new grandchild-in-law", and being able to meet the need without having it ruin the wedding is a grea toption.
How to avoid potential drama: There are a few options. If your grandmother realizes her mistake she can then "uninvite" her friends. If your grandmother, upon further discussion, never REALLY invited people, it could be just left alone. Her friends won't get the invitation and won't show up. And worst case, you might need to get your parent or aunt to call her friends to clarify the error and apologize on behalf of your grandmother. Chances are high her friends will understand and be fine.
What not to say : You do not want to make your grandmother defensive by yelling at her or assume she knew all the details behind the wedding plans. Use this as an opportunity to educate her on the budget, on the very difficult decisions made by everyone (you aren't inviting your best friends from college) in the name of keeping the wedding at the necessary size and budget. Then give her options on how to uninvite those people and let her decide how to proceed.
Read more from our book, Take Back Your Wedding available on our website or Amazon.
Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Bill Doherty. The First Dance is a 2007 Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. See what engaged couples and wedding professionals are saying about our book Take Back Your wedding. Our entire website is dedicated to offering advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.