Money | A Hot Issue
We have an entire wedding budget area to talk about the complexity of money. No matter what your money views, there is no "right or wrong." This very simple award-winning game is worth the emotional awareness you'll gain. A few big "a-ha" moments may greatly help in wedding planning. Learn more
We're Going to Be One Happy Family...Or Else!
A very unique book written by a nationally respected marriage and family therapist who has worked with couples and families for over 30 years. Learn why a mother bought 25 copies for EVERYONE in her family to get everyone on the same page during the most intense, public, family event. Learn more
Wedding Discounts for Marriage Prep
Engaged couples are by their nature extremely happy. But as you know, after the honeymoon, marriage is hard work. We offer many options for marriage prep at many price-points(and wedding discounts from vendors who want to help!) Encourage your adult child to visit our website.Learn more
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Take Back Your Wedding $12.99
Why do engaged couples, parents, officiants and wedding planners love this book?
This book is the best money investment you will spend on the wedding.
Improve marital success, reduce conflict and avoid the "emotional landmines" that arise in wedding planning.
Testimonials, free chapter download
- Beneath the Obvious Vendor Questions
- Wedding Vendor Complaints They'll Never Share!
- Who Controls Your Wedding Day? You or the Wedding Vendor?
- Save the Dates - Q&A With Save the Date Vendor
- Unique Q&A with a Wedding DJ
- Unique Wedding Invitation Q&A with a Wedding Invitation Vendor
- Storing Your Wedding Cards - Q&A With Card Storage Expert
- Unique Q&A with Wedding Tuxedo Vendor
- Wedding Etiquette: Does It Still Exist?
- Wedding Date Considerations
- The Competition in Wedding Planning
- Can You Afford a Small Wedding?
- The First Dance in Todays Complex Family
- RSVP Woes; Why Won't People Respond?
- Gratitude: Wedding Thank You Notes
- Wedding Invitation Wording Landmines!
- Increasing Wedding Party Stress?!
- The Hour of Engagement Bliss
- Create the Guest List or Budget First?
- Eloping: Avoiding Family Drama or Stirring it Up?
- Honeymoon: Considerations
- Wedding Registry
- After the Honeymoon
- What Wedding Planning Taught Me About Marriage
- Romance Expert Q&A
E-Book Version
Kindle version only $9.99!
Wedding Vendors
Weddings & Relationships
Someone added their children to their RSVP. Children are not allowed! How do I handle this?
What may be going on: There are three likely scenarios. The guest didn't notice or doesn't know etiquette to see their childrens names are not on the invitation. The guest just assumed you forgot to add their children. Or the guest is only going to attend with their children and may be playing the game of "wait and see" how you respond.
What usually doesn't happen, but should: There should be few, to no surprises of guests in regards to whether children are invited. If the kid issue is a big deal among your guests, at the point you made wedding plans for an adult only wedding, there should be some "word of mouth" spreading of the tough decision. It is much easier for parents to find babysitters and plan ahead if they know your wedding is kid-free. Afterall, the people coming to your wedding are supposedly your friends and family and you will be talking with them throughout your engagement life. There should be no reason to keep such a huge decision secret and wait for them to find out at the invitation.
How to avoid potential drama: If you have guests who can't afford babysitters, you may want to have a kid area, maybe in a suite in the hotel, or another room. Hiring a few nannies to watch the kids will help the parents feel more at east and keep your event more tame. If you do have to have the ackward conversation with the guest, it is best to have it come from whoever is closest to the guest, ideally the same generation. If there are some church friends inviting children and those adults are closer to your parents, it might be easier for your parents to talk with them. If this is your fiances cousin, your fiance should talk to his cousin, or if he refuses, his mom or dad could talk to their niece/nephew. Of course you can also have a line prepared showing great empathy with the parents for not being able to have their children with them. You don't have to justify your decision but if you can empathize with parents, it will soften the blow.
What not to say :You never want to get into reasons that parents can "debate". A simple apology for any confusion they may have had thinking kids could be invited is all you need. And then an opening for them to "think about" whether they can still attend and to get back to you in a couple days. Some common excuses backfire:
"Our wedding is so late in the evening, we didn't want kids to get overly tired." (parents say oh, that's fine, my kids are up late anyway and will do fine)
"Our wedding is going to be more of a quiet, solomn affair." (that's fine, my kids are used to sitting still!)
"Our wedding location isn't very kid friendly." (No problem, I can bring activities and my kids will stay by my side.)
Read more from our book, Take Back Your Wedding available on our website or Amazon.
Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Bill Doherty. The First Dance is a 2007 Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. See what engaged couples and wedding professionals are saying about our book Take Back Your wedding. Our entire website is dedicated to offering advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.