Wedding DJ Ideas and Wisdom

In our new routine of seeking out professionals in every aspect of wedding planning, we have a fabulous Q&A with an LA DJ company. I laughed out loud, I gasped at some stories, and all around I am much more informed, even though I've already gotten married and didn't think I could really learn THAT much more.

Take a look at the wedding DJ wisdom. Share any stories you have or just share that web page with your fellow engaged friends!

Keeping the Romance Alive while Wedding Planning

We have a romance expert to share some of her thoughts on romance, particularly during wedding planning season. It's such a tough balance, between jobs, errands, life, trying to still date, and then spending many hours getting details in order for the big day.

One thing that often surprises couples is how the wedding starts to take a toil on their relationship. Before being engaged, a date was just about the two of you. After being engaged, the date may come with sticky conversations about difficult parents, or jealous siblings, or a mismatch in expectations for the wedding. The relationship is in the adolescent phase. You're not married yet, but you're not just single. It's a tricky situation to be in, no matter how long you've been together.

I can say, a few years into marriage with two kids, those dates you have will stick in your memory, even if you have less time to do them. There were many times my husband and I would walk around the local lakes, only for my low blood pressure to cause me problems and we'd have to find a bench. Annoying at the time, but pretty funny how we could never quite manage to walk all the way around a lake without a pause. It became part of the expectation of those dates, which were sometimes quite stressful as we tried to talk through the Stuff of Married Life. But they were important conversations and we moved forward in our relationship because of them. (For more conversations, we have an amazing self-guided premarital counseling book designed for date/conversations. Check it out.)

Those little moments of life are always grander than the big plans. Hopefully your wedding is amazing, but it is just one day of many, many romantic days you should plan for! If you haven't yet set your honeymoon plans, check out our interactive guide to get the two of you on the same page for what exactly you want from the honeymoon (and we don't just mean THAT....)

Enjoy our great questions and answers on romance during wedding planning from a romance expert! May her wisdom instill the passion in you to keep your love alive.

What is your wedding theme?

What is the theme of your wedding? And I don't mean colors or style. I mean, is your wedding planning going well? Are you and your fiance getting along well? Are your parents thrilled for your marriage? Are they stressed about how to pay for the wedding? Are they bickering at every little idea you float about the wedding?

Unfortunately, I've seen time and again in both the weddings I've been involved with and the weddings I hear talked about that I didn't attend, the REAL wedding theme may have nothing to do with the wedding. "His parents weren't able to attend because they insisted on having a destination wedding." "Her mom went wacko and the bride and her barely spoke the entire twelve month engagement." "Sure, it was a pretty wedding but you didn't hear how the parents fought nonstop, causing enormous stress on their daughter the entire time?"

It is easy, I know, to brush off all that wedding stress as "normal". It's easy to say that events are going to make people crazy, but at the end of the day what matters is you have a beautiful wedding (and marriage.)

But just remember, the wedding itself is going to be roughly six hours. Your engagement is likely to be about a year. And the REAL theme of your wedding is going to last your entire marriage. The beginning of your marriage does not begin at the alter but at the proposal. All those interactions you have today may haunt you for years to come.

Always stop and consider whether someone's grand wishes may just be more important for your current sanity and for your long term marriage than your need to have a "my day, my way" wedding.

Learn more at The First Dance. And if you need to, talk with a premarital counselor who will be able to help you navigate the complex family stuff happening in your wedding plans. Or at the VERY least take a powerful online premarital inventory that may help you figure out why you're so stressed as you build your new marriage and enter a new family (your in-laws.)

Review of Bride Wars as it relates to relationships

I went to see Bride Wars a couple nights ago. I know, it's been out a while. And the reviewers panned it. But it's one of those movies where if you aren't in wedding mode you would not remotely get it... the nuance, the complex relationships around wedding planning. So here is why I liked it... ignore if you still haven't seen it, though I won't give away the ending.

Timing of engagement

The two characters had long term boyfriends and were both near being engaged. One found an engagement ring box and was thrilled to be "getting engaged" even though it had not quite happened yet. While waiting, the second character DOES get engaged!

The newly engaged friend is sharing her excitement and plans with her friend and there we begin the complexity. The unengaged friend is happy for her friend but can't help focusing in on why SHE wasn't engaged, what was wrong with HER boyfriend, and how much this conversation should be about her. The engage friend soon realizes this and tries to shut up... but it's too late, and unengaged friend doesn't want to stiffle the joy of her engaged friend. Unengaged friend literally runs away to chase down her boyfriend at work to find out whether he's ever going to propose. I found it more than a little odd that she had to ask the guy, "is marriage something you want?" I generally feel couples know if they're marriage-bound, they should certaintly know how the other feels about marriage in GENERAL, and if she saw an engagement ring, why was she even asking that question?

Do Other People Care About Your Wedding?

There is a very short scene where the girlfriends of these two brides are being told about the engagement. One reaches for the pills while faking excitement and the other starts microwaving a pint of Ben and Jerry's to eat it fast. It can be VERY hard for single friends, especially those not even dating anyone, to lose you to an engagement! If they are dating it can really challenge their own relationship, questioning if they're wanting marriage, are they in a "marriage bound" relationship or when will they ever get married. Sometimes they'll fake excitement the whole time but their emotions will come out in lack of follow-through, being critical, or a sudden shift in your friendship. Often they have no idea they're actually doing this and certaintly the last people they want to share their feelings with is YOU, the BRIDE. They don't want to get pity or they don't want to purposefully make you feel bad.

Wedding Dresses

Next big scene is two engaged friend looking at a bridal dress shop for who I'll call Assertive Bride (the second to get engaged after demanding a proposal from her boyfriend.) Passive Bride (her character is a pleaser, never says no to anyone) finds a dress she loves but then stops, knowing it doesn't matter because she wants to wear her mothers dress. Assertive Bride then says how it IS a great dress but she ought not to try it on because Passive Bride loves it so much. No, no, try it on says Passive Bride. Yes, you can guess what happened. And ackward scene number two happens as these women start to realize the complexity of being engaged at the same time planning two weddings.

Wedding Location

This is of course the main tension of the movie. A screw up happens and they get booked on the same day and time. This is fine at a large hotel which services two brides at once... .but NOT OK when you're supposed to be maid of honor for each other at the exact same moment.

The interesting thing to me was out Assertive Bride tried to claim the coveted wedding location (Plaza Hotel in New York) means so much because it was the "only happy memory from her childhood." Can we say emotional trumpcard?? (We don't really know what happens to her parents but it sounds like as girls, they along with their parents went to a gorgeous Plaza wedding and sometime later, her parents died.)

Passive Bride says how she doesn't make NEARLY as much money as Assertive Bride (Teacher Vs. Lawyer) and has been saving since she was 15 years old for her Plaza Hotel. Money trump card or perhaps just, "I have been working harder for this than you have because I've been actually saving hard earned cash while you could easily afford anything, anytime."

Wedding Party

The final thing I'll note about the movie was the role of the Maid of Honor. While it is definitely important for some people to have a very engaged wedding party, this is not true of all brides. My best girl friends were all out of town, so my mom and I did all the planning. I never went to more than one wedding vendor because I got all word of mouth referrals (saved me tons of time.) I did no "DIY" projects that take a lot of time and usually require the help of others. No family is in town except my parents so I had a small shower with lots of gifts (shipped from out of town... pretty ackward though much appreciated.)

Newly Engaged

I am excited today with the prospect of all the men (and women) out there ready to propose tonight or tomorrow. Christmas is the biggest day for engagements in the year, followed by Valentines day.

It makes sense to start the engagement surrounded by family, as you enter a new family clan and can reap the warmth of congratulations in person!

So to all the soon to be engaged, CONGRATULATIONS! We have a ton of helpful advice on our wedding relationship website.