Wedding DJ Ideas and Wisdom

In our new routine of seeking out professionals in every aspect of wedding planning, we have a fabulous Q&A with an LA DJ company. I laughed out loud, I gasped at some stories, and all around I am much more informed, even though I've already gotten married and didn't think I could really learn THAT much more.

Take a look at the wedding DJ wisdom. Share any stories you have or just share that web page with your fellow engaged friends!

Wedding Invitations, the Stress, Fun, and Keepsake

Wedding invitations. You go into your wedding plans either knowing what you want, not having a clue, or thinking you know what you want and end up somewhere totally different.

I went into my wedding not wanting to waste money on invitations. It wasn't a high priority, and we were just fine printing them off ourselves, thank you very much. But, as always seems to happen, while flipping through a wedding magazine I happened upon a full page ad for wedding invites. I don't think I gasped, but I almost did. I stared. And stared. And became entranced. These were nothing like I'd seen before! I loved the color! I loved the font! I loved the extremely simple yet very, very classy design. I went to the website of the designer, found two retail stores in my entire state, and decided to make a trip to visit them "in person."

I was so innocent as the sales lady gave me the price. I can't remember the exact number, but I believe it would have been about $4,000 for 150 invitations. This was almost half of my ENTIRE BUDGET! I asked if it anything could make them cheaper. Nope. The entire invite was a designer who trademarked the whole thing. It was that or nothing.

But the seed had been planted. I could no longer go from that invitation to plain white invites printed off the computer. I asked the sales lady for other unique invitations and she gave me a few books. Nope, nope, nope, nope, flipping page after page after page. But then I stumbled upon a FABULOUS invitation! Yes, this was it. Unique, funky, but not too weird. Just the right balance of zip and class.

My husband came with me another time and he agreed they were fabulous, especially after looking at the same books and seeing what was out there. We proceeded to "stalk" our invitations, stopping by several times on date nights, just to see how pretty they were.

They were more expensive than we had originally planned, but we came to see how vital they were to setting the tone and mood of the wedding. In fact we got a TON of compliments and we even had guests of his mom call HER to say how great the invitations were.

I've asked some great, unique wedding invitation questions of a wedding invitation designer. Check it out and I hope you get inspired!

Fun Money Quiz

This is a completely unscientifc quiz not about your wedding but your relationship! Whether you're living together or not, you know your fiance well. Let's see how you do. Each of you should answer these questions independently then see how well your answers match! You may not have had all the conversations about the questions below, but this is a great time to play a game and learn. Sometimes the questions are more interesting than the answers and can send you off into other conversations...hopefully not arguments!

I phrased these questions in a unique way to get you to get into your partners head rather than talk about your own views. I also designed this so if your fiance has NO time or interest in taking the test, you can still do YOUR side and see if they agree with you. :-) Just copy and paste this into an email, or book mark this site and talk out loud with each other answering the questions.

1. My fiance expects a conversation if one of us wants to spend more than _____ dollars (ex: $50, $100, $200, $500, $1,000.... etc) or put another way, my fiance would be super shocked and upset if I spent $_____ without talking with him/her first.

2. One thing my fiance would love for me to not spend money on but knows it's probably a lost cause is _____ (ex: expensive make up or lotions, computer games, high end clothing, upgrading electronics often, etc)

3. My fiance would say my parents have the following beliefs about money _______ (what they value, how they spend/save, etc)

4. My fiance was __________(ex: happy, surprised, upset, annoyed) to learn of my financial situation the first time we had a frank conversation about how much we made, our debt, our savings.

5. My fiance feels ____________ (great, ok, stressed, frustrated) about how our wedding is being paid for.

Chosing a wedding dress

One of the earliest things most brides do after getting engaged, is to start shopping for a wedding dress. This is one of the most exciting, girliest moments for a bride who will eventually get stuck chosing between a million choices of paper for invitations, flavors for cake, flowers, finding all the important vendors. Wedding dresses are one of the rare wedding tasks where you have a tactile experience, an extremely personalized experience (your very unique body on different dresses), and you ultimately have full control. Most other things you lose some control to "packages", or rules about number of invitations you have to buy (often in groups of 25), etc.

There are many elements that go into wedding dress shopping and sometimes they only strike a bride in the moment. Here are some common experiences!

• Chosing the WRONG people to shop with you. Whether it's friends who show impatience and want to leave, or no-show for the shopping day, or friends whose style is very different from you. It could also be your mom who wants a very conservative look and you want a more strapless, sensual look.
• Chosing the wrong wedding dress shop. Hopefully you have different options in your area and if you do, it's very likely you'll feel more comfortable in some over others. Some dress shops are very high end, where a purse would be the same cost as your entire wedding dress budget. You may also enter some stores and the sales staff is too young, or old, stuffy, or pushy. The dresses may be too busy, too simple, the lighting and dressing rooms may not be very well designed, or the store may be so busy you feel rushed and stressed out.
• Your vision vs reality. Most of us have no real idea what style dress would look best on us. I remember trying on a very nice dress in a 1930's style. Apparently everyone in the store gasped and told my mom how the dress was meant for my body. Meanwhile another bride was trying on the same dress and her friends were trying to not gasp, in a "that is NOT for you" way.
• Your body shape is not likely the model body shape. Whether you are so annoyed at your large, or small breasts, big hips, or no hips (if you want the curvy look), wedding dresses can be an infuriating experience! You want to look like A BRIDE, however you imagine that "look."
• Indecision, insecurity, exhaustion. If you aren't confident after trying on a lot of dresses, you may start questioning if you're too picky, if you need to look at higher-end dresses, if you want to lose a lot of weight, or maybe you realize you need to bring other people to help you out. Some brides completely exhaust their friends. I know of a bridesmaid who was yelled at by the bride for not going on a THIRD weekend long out of town trip to dress shop. The bridesmaid didn't have the money and did not think it necessary to leave, for a third time, because the bride was indecisive.

Don't forget with all of the stuff that happens, you also want to make sure you're clear with the dress style and location of your ceremony and reception. You also want to make sure you and your fiance have agreed on the general look so if he is like my brother, who WANTED to wear a tux (that was part of his vision of being a groom), that your dress is not so casual you look imbalanced. Similarly a very glittery, fancy wedding dress should probably not be paired with kahki pants and a casual shirt.

Good luck! And for more help on all the interpersonal dynamics that happen at EVERY SINGLE turn in wedding planning, our book has increased confidence of countless engaged couples. It's called Take Back Your Wedding and is available on Amazon or our website.

Classic and Timeless vs Unique and Trendy?

I do not see a lot of discussion on what I consider an important wedding planning topic. At what point does a wedding go from "unique" to meaningless? Or from trendy to laughable (not at the moment, but in a few years.) How much should you strive for specialness, potentially making your wedding quite meaningless for guests? How much should you follow tradition - allowing guests to relate to your wedding as it reminds them of their own?

What is the goal of your wedding? Is it to "represent your couplehood?" Is it to celebrate the beginning of your marriage? Is it to share the journey countless relatives have taken before you or to mark your wedding as a hallmark "you" moment?

I remember one bride wanted hockey pucks for favors. Her mother was flipping out and the bride didn't understand why. I think this is actually one of the best examples of "uniquely you" going too far. Why? Well for starters, how many guests actually play hockey? Two, of that small minority, how many really want another hockey puck? It feels like giving your friends your favorite perfume when most don't wear perfume and those who do really don't want YOUR favorite.

My husband and I had many conversations about this topic. We strove for a classic, timelessness while at the same time marking the event as ours through our live music choice (live jazz band but also church members), our unique wedding invitations, and a very unique wedding reception set of moments... where we collected marital wisdom from our guests and where we also invited everyone to stand up based on "who they were" - family on husbands side, my family, college friends, guests by state. It was fun and did not detract from a standard wedding reception but really enhanced the sense of community.

I don't think there is any right or wrong. I just think it's important to always ask yourself once or twice whether your latest wedding planning idea is something only YOU would find meaningful, or whether it's something that lets your guests feel a part of your day.

Learn more about what we're up to at our premarital counseling and wedding relationships website, The First Dance.