We're quite happy,

what would we gain from premarital counseling?

 

Ah! Happiness. One reason you may feel negativity from people is because you are happy and they aren't. It's a bummer, but not everyone keeps their relationship strong. Instead of working on themselves, they feel better trying to destroy your notions of happiness and positivity towards your future lives together.

 

Unfortunately "happiness" is, by itself, not a good barometer of your future. Life may be easy, conflict may be low, everyone you know is happy and healthy. But life is messy, people are messy, and the unknown life the two of you are about to share is likely filled with rocky moments. The quesiton is what do you DO TOGETHER when those moments arise?

 

This is where having some sense of how each of you view marriage, money, sex, communication, conflict-resolution, balancing time together vs apart, how you view being parents,etc. All those issues are good conversation starters to have at the BEGINNING. Yes, maybe you've been dating for 5 years. But even so, do you actually know what your future spouse thinks about all those topics?. This way you don't make nasty judgements against the other person when they are acting on what they THOUGHT were assumptions you both shared.

 

To read a funny example of this from co-founder Bill Doherty's very first married Christmas, read this article (opens a PDF.) Basically the dumbest arguement ever, how to put tinsel on a tree, turned into a huge issue about how they grew up and assumptions about the RIGHT way to do things is.

 

And as I like to tell my friends, nothing BAD will come of talking about your relationship! This isn't like the decision to take an expensive or cheap honeymoon. It's your marriage. And whether you've had intense, purposeful converastions before or not, you need to practice, practice, practice so when life throws you a curve ball, you are not trying to "really talk" for the first time ever.