Brookline, Massachusetts Premarital Counseling

Shel J. Miller, Ph.D., a Marriage Friendly Therapist

 

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Shel J. Miller, Ph.D.

82 Naples Road

Brookline, MA 02446

 

Phone Number: (617) 731-9174

 

Email: ShelMiller@rcn.com

Website: www.ShelMiller.com

 

I facilitate a getting to know you, yourself and your family dynamics during your courtship.

We reflect upon the strengths and vulnerabilities you bring to your partner in order to maximize a successful, mutually respectful relationship.

Those conversations include dealing with family of origin:

what they have taught you about love and

how to deal with them if they become stressed and/or stress you during the period leading up to the ceremony.

We review the differences you bring to the marriage based on the different family cultures of child rearing: that would include differences such as ethnic, socioeconomic, religious, geographical, etc. Such differences often lead to making the other more attractive and at the same time potentially disappointing!

Courtship is the time not only to really get to know one another and confirm your commitment but also the time to gracefully tear yourself away from your long standing primary loyalty to and emotional dependence upon your prior family(ies), including any previous partner(s).

 

This crucial developmental phase in you life is the time to assert yourself and your growing independence or boundary marking around you and your new partner as your primary focus.

 

It is a time that often takes place in a trance like state where you are expected to be grown up and fully cognizant of the changes and legal commitments you are in the process of making.

 

In my work with divorcing couples, I am often reminded that it is the divorce that leads to certain individuals to really "grow up."

And knowing what can happen at that end of a relationship makes me a better facilitator for newly engaged couples, regardless of their age and experience with relationships.
It is very helpful to have such understanding in helping partners deal with how to balance Self and We-ness and how each partner may be different in their sense of the optimal distance or closeness that works for him or her.