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The Wedding Planning Checklist

A wedding planning checklist like you've never seen! Logistics are one thing, but the emotional landmines couples fall into can derail the simplistic, linear wedding planning checklist agenda.

No matter whether parents are paying or not, our Principles for Parents will help:

  • how to clarify wedding plans and decisions between parent/child
  • reduce wedding planning conflict
  • prevent wedding planning conflict
  • avoid "assumptions" that cause problems down the road

Start with these two articles then move into the checklist:

Stage: Engagement (otherwise refered to as The Hour of Bliss when have just entered the most thrilling new stage of "we're getting married!" and haven't yet had to deal with the messy new world where you are no longer a private couple but you've just made 'in-laws".)

State: 9-11 months before the wedding

  • Send Save the Dates, or just let people know when you see them, email them, or if you send a holiday card mention the date (and a website if you have one)
  • Find and book a caterer (if your reception spot doesn't have one)
  • Book entertainment (unless you're not having any, or just using an IPOD to save money!)
  • Find and book a florist (unless you're going to Sams Club or the farmers market a day or so before your wedding. Keep in mind DIY flowers take a lot of time and may cause a lot of stress. It would be best to have a friend dedicated to flower assembly if you go this route.)
  • Book the photographer and/or videographer (if using either)
    • What does photography mean to you? Before you search for photographers it's best to understand what you and your fiance are hoping for in wedding photography, what photography means to you, etc.

Stage: 6-8 months before the wedding

  • Buy a wedding gown (most of us have probably done this earlier!)
  • Find and book a cake baker (or go to Sams Club if you're on a tight budget)
  • Find and book transportation (if you need this and it's in your budget)
  • Find and confirm ceremony music
  • Find and order bridesmaid dresses (especially important if you have procrastinating bridesmaids)
  • Start the wedding registry
  • Confirm the rehearsal dinner (almost like the wedding itself. Who is paying? Who is invited? Who is hosting?)

Stage: 4-5 months before the wedding

  • If you're taking a honeymoon, start figuring that out
  • Investigate formal wear, gets details, book it
  • Figure out if you're doing a post-wedding brunch, start getting those details
  • Order wedding invitations
  • Find and buy wedding bands
  • Find any rental equipment you'll need

Stage: 3 months before the wedding

  • Finalize Guest List
    • Let everyone know "this is it", no more additions
    • Get updated addresses, confirm spellings
    • You may want to create a spreadsheet to track wedding gifts
  • Find all the other wedding helpers you may need
    • Ushers
    • Host/ess
    • Ceremony helpers
    • Perhaps a day-of wedding coordinator is a nice splurge at this point
  • Mail invitations
  • Find and book your hair and make up (if not doing yourself)
  • Work with the host of the rehearsal dinner to coordinate invitations

Stage: 1-2 months ahead

  • Work on your wedding vows (if not using traditional ones)
  • Find wedding readings if not using traditional ones
  • Figure out any gifts you're giving to bridal party, parents, attendants, others
  • If you want to do welcome baskets for out of towners start firming up details
  • Enjoy any bridal showers, get thank you notes done quickly!
  • Confirm marriage license details

Stage: 1-2 weeks before wedding

  • Take the list of non-RSVP'ers, divide them by who they "belong to" and get calling or emailing!
    • Parents contact their guests
    • You each deal with your own friends
  • Walk through the flow of the entire event, preferably with someone who has been to a lot of weddings. The "flow" of the wedding can make or break the entire event.
  • Confirm seating chart if having one
  • Confirm all vendors

Stage: 3-7 days before the wedding

  • Make sure the men all have their formal wear (or details on when/where/how to pick it up)
  • Confirm the rehearsal dinner details
  • Pack for honeymoon and your day-of gear for the wedding
  • Have all tips/payments in special envelopes for a trusted friend (often the best man) to deliver to the vendors on the wedding day

Get married! Our goal is that you've balanced the American "My day, my way" philosophy with some pro-family and marriage friendly ways of working with your friends and family. Remember, everything that happens in the build up to the wedding day will NEVER BE FORGOTTEN. The goal isn't to "survive" wedding planning to live happily ever after. The wedding planning "is" part of your happily ever after.

 

Send this article to your fiance, parents, or a friend 

 

- Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Dr. William J. Doherty.  The First Dance was a Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner in 2007 for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning.  Read Take Back Your Wedding: Managing the People Stress of Wedding Planning for more advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.