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Wedding Stress and Mistakes Made with Parents

Parents are a funny thing. You may expect them to be complete thrilled with your engagement and the wedding or maybe you think they won't really care much. Their actual reactions can run across the board and your own response to their reaction can also surprise you!

We hear of couples who want more attention from their parents. They would like nothing more than their parent to HAVE an opinion on anything! These couples recognize the importance of their parents and wish to include them in ways they would enjoy but the parents are so restrained and aloof.

The other extreme we all know about - the monster mother, the overbearing, controlling, "I plan your wedding and you get to plan your daughters wedding" mom. The mom who thinks it's all about her and who does not like a single idea you have. These women don't care who is paying because this is their day to show the world how they plan a fabulous event.

Our book, Take Back Your Wedding, goes into great detail on dealing with your parents. It even includes sample dialogue on those aloof parents, or the bitterly divorced parents who are making your life a living hell.

The theme of our advice throughout wedding planning is to always realize who the key stakeholders are in your wedding and never lose sight of the bigger goal. You want a wonderful wedding but you also don't want to create such intense drama and chaos along the way that by the time you get to your first dance, everyone is upset with you or you hate everyone for being so demanding. Ultimately being selfish requires letting others have some opinions or at least listening to others so when it is your moment to shine they feel they are important to you and your wedding day. It's counter-cultural advice to the notion that it's your day and everyone should salut but it's going to set you up for a much nicer wedding and marriage.

 

- Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Dr. William J. Doherty.  The First Dance was a Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner in 2007 for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning.  Read Take Back Your Wedding: Managing the People Stress of Wedding Planning for more advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.