Why Do They Care About My Wedding Plans?

 

One of the greatest myths around wedding is the notion that it's all about you! At face value yes, it is about you because you are the bride or groom and without your decision to marry, there would be no wedding. But that's as far as the "it's all about you" logical will get you. The rest is more complicated. You may also want to read Why Do People Care About My Wedding for more.

 

What we Gen X and Gen Y'ers have experienced in our lives are high divorce rates, overscheduled lives, and lack of quality family time. When it comes to weddings we get surprised to learn that our busy parents who let us run our own lives suddently have something to say! At worst we think "how dare they!" when perhaps we're paying for our own wedding. Or perhaps they weren't the best parent growing up and now they want to play like they're a loving, doting parent. There are many issues we deal with in our own families.

 

Like it or not, weddings are a community affair. Your parents likely went to countless weddings growing up and those experiences set the stage for how they view weddings. Today's culture has completely shifted away from the basement reception with cake a punch, but it is still the ultimately family reunion. Weddings, unlike your birthday party or any other party you have, is about beginning your new marriage. Your marriage is the launch of a new relationship to your parents, making your parents into in-laws (or, giving them a new adopted child in your spouse), and your marriage is an expansion of the big family tree of all those who came before you.

 

Whether you think your parents are being self-absorbed about your wedding (maybe they are!), you can not remotely understand why they care (you may never get it), or you wish they WOULD care more (this is not uncommon), the biggest hope from our book and website is to help you understand how the best weddings are about not just the couple but about the loving community who is surrounding you and there for you through the beginning of your marriage and onwards.

 

Elizabeth, co-founder, experienced this message very clearly 4 years into her marriage with devastating heart damage from her pregnancy. The community of her in-laws, people she had never met, would pray for her, support her in-laws through their stress over her health, and be there for the tough times in life. This is the difference between marriage and dating. You're widening your circle and community in a marriage and that is usually launched by a community wedding.